Friday, November 27, 2009

I guess it does get better

Holidays again. This year I had all kinds of plans for Thanksgiving - brother-in-law in town without his kids for the first time. I was going to hang out with the boys and enjoy all kinds of grown up fun: motorcycle riding, hunting, dinner at our friend's house whose kids were with the "other" parents. Unforutnately, the creeping crud conspired to bring me down.

I was pretty bummed yesterday when I realized my Thanksgiving dinner would be a solitary bowl of chicken soup next to a box of Kleenex as I sent my hubby and his brother packing to the friend's house with casseroles. But, I didn't get as bummed as I have in years past about not having a family to spend this time with - in sickness and in health.

In years past, I had invited these same friends to a holiday dinner or brunch or something to celebrate, but they always had their own family events to attend to and suggested we get together when "the holidays calmed down - how about January?" They didn't realize they were my family, all I had during the holidays besides my hubby. And this year, when finally I would get to spend time with those friends on the actual holiday...I couldn't make it. Dagnabit!

I have to say I've gotten pretty good at distracting myself. Call it avoidance, call it redirecting my thoughts to something else. I find myself dwelling less on the sadness or depressing aspects of not having a family of my own (other than my hubby, and my dad and sister in other states), and instead focusing more on the joyful aspects of my life. On the freedom I have to do what I want. On enjoying my time to myself. On being able to focus on work or a book or going on a hike with a friend. I don't feel as shallow as I used to when I tried to think this way.

So, I had a cold for Thanksgiving but I also had a decent time. I discovered Pandora (awesome Internet radio); got caught up on a presentation for work; indulged my pets; ate chocolate; caught up on TIVO and my bible study. Tomorrow I hope to feel well enough to take a long walk by the river. Life is not all that bad.